Can it Hurt Your Divorce if You Treat Your Spouse Poorly?

It’s no secret that divorce can bring out the worst in people, especially since it deals with child custody and property division – two very sensitive subjects. You’ve probably been a loving, supportive spouse for most of your marriage and now that it’s coming to an end, maybe you can’t think of a nice thing to say about your husband or wife. What’s the harm in venting and letting them know how you feel about them?

You may not know it, but badmouthing your spouse can be detrimental. It can damage your reputation, affect your children, and your chances of a collaborative divorce. Airing your dirty laundry can lead to litigation, increased legal fees, and a reduction in the value of your marital estate. And if you have kids, it can cause a lot of unnecessary stress for your children.

Advantages of a Friendly Divorce

There are so many advantages to having a friendly divorce. Even if you despise your soon-to-be-ex because they cheated on you or because they blew all of your savings, or because they fed you a bunch of lies for years, it’s still beneficial to have an amicable divorce.

Why seek a friendly divorce?

  • It’s a lot less stressful for the spouses and children
  • Lowers legal fees
  • Helps protect the marital estate
  • Can achieve a divorce sooner than if it went to trial
  • Encourages a healthy co-parenting relationship
  • Encourages mutually-respectful behavior
  • Facilitates a positive relationship moving forward

It’s Better for Child Custody

In a Forbes article, contributors Kelly Frawley and Emily Pollack wrote, “Courts always consider the children’s well-being first and foremost in matters of custody. That means it is vital for you to demonstrate that you prioritize your children’s well-being above any feelings of animosity you might harbor against their other parent.

“If you put your children in the middle of an argument, attempt to alienate them from the other parent, or engage in public harassment or social media trolling that can be seen or heard by the children, their friends, their friends’ parents, etc., the court may order that you spend less time with the children and have less involvement making decisions on their behalf. Parenting requires consistently sound decision-making, so even momentary lapses of judgment can cast you in a negative light.”

Next: 17 Realities of Divorce