You know the obvious killers of marriage –
domestic violence, adultery, finances – but there are “silent killers”
that you’re probably less familiar with, and you may be living them
as we speak. Forget all about lying and cheating, there are less-talked
about behaviors that can destroy the foundation of a marriage, eventually
causing it to buckle under the pressure. You and your spouse, are probably
guilty of one, if not several of them.
Below is a list of behaviors that silently kill a marriage.
1. You don’t have any other friends.
Yes, it’s important to spend quality time with your spouse, but
if you’re in this bubble together where you don’t have friends
outside the marriage, this isn’t healthy. Neither of you should
let your friendships fizzle out in favor of spending every waking moment
together. All couples need a little space from each other. Taking a class
at the gym with a workout buddy or catching a play with friends may do
your marriage some good.
2. You are barely intimate these days.
OK, maybe this one isn’t quite so silent but it can slowly eat away
at a marriage. If you’re only intimate on special occasions, such
as birthdays and Valentine’s Day, or if you barely touch each other
anymore, it’s time to have a heart-to-heart talk about it. A passionless
marriage can send spouses into
someone else’s arms, and who wants that?
Spouses don’t have to be intimate every day, but couples do need
to acknowledge each other. They need to show their spouses that they’re
attracted to them and that they still want them. In long-term relationships,
couples need to make their partners feel wanted and they need to
show them, even if it’s a sensuous touch or a subtle advance.
3. Your friends are bad influences.
A lot of people don’t realize that their close friendships can be
influencing their marriage for the worse. What are your friends like?
Do they badmouth their partner behind their back? Do they flirt with others
or have affairs? Your friends’ bad habits could have a bad influence
on you and they can change your good habits for the worse.
On the other hand, if your friends have loving marriages and respect healthy
boundaries, this can actually benefit your marriage. Our advice is to
take inventory of your closest friends and your spouse’s closest
friends. Are the people in both of your inner circles influencing your
marriage for the better or for the worse?
4. One of you isn’t cleaning the house.
Believe it or not, household chores are a major source of resentment for
couples, especially if both spouses work full-time, but the household
cleaning is not divided evenly. If one spouse is handling most, if not
all of the chores, it’s bound to cause resentment. “A new
study from the University of Alberta found that male-female couples had
better and more frequent sex when men chipped in with chores,”
While questions over cleaning up aren’t usually a point of contention
at the beginning of a relationship, they often become an issue later on.
If the housework falls almost entirely on one partner’s shoulders,
it can lead to serious dissatisfaction in a marriage.
Are you contemplating
divorce in San Diego? If so,
contact our firm at once to set up a free case evaluation with a compassionate member of
our legal team.